what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
