im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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