I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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