OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
