I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
