Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
