My first STD was from a foam party
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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