A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
