you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
