woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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