jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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