I think I died a long time ago.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
