dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
