Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
