just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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