the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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