i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We got so high we made milksteak
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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