please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
