Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
