Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
