eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
