You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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