he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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