My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
