Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
