I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
