She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
