easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
