Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
