Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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