His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
