My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
