i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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