Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
