member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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