god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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