Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
