Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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