Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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