I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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