upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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