i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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