Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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