I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
