I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
