You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
