why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
