What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
