i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
