I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
